I hate to go to to bed with this feeling

i wish i can write anything that i want to write here. But i don't think i can
i wish that i can write how i feel right now. But i don't think i can. Coz it could be that what i write is not coming from me, it's coming from my anger
i wish that i could be a better person. I think i can..i really have to sit down and muhasabah diri serta fikirkan apakah kesilapan saya and how could i do it better
i wish i could read people mind and thus make a better judgment. but im not a god

sometimes, i really tried hard to make people around me happy. but at the end, i failed miserably. and im the one hurt.

i know, it's impossible to make everyone satisfied with the decision that i've made. i don't give a damn about it either, especially to the haters. but i just hope that someone who knows me better will help to make things easy for me. i just wish that the person/friends closest to me will help to make things easy for me.

Just that. Is it too much to ask for?

Blue berry?? I prefer cranberry!!

Frankly, i never really bother on the phone that I'm using. latest or not. Expensive or not. I don't really care. But just recently, after azlan no longer in Malaysia. we found out that we actually can save some from our phone bill. I have another line, a company's line which i don't have to pay a single cents every month. but i never really use it because i found that it's hard to carry 2 phones around . and I've been using this number ever since i have a mobile phone, so i don't plan to go through all the hassle informing everybody about my new number. Got me?

Now that we have decided, we don't need our family plus plan anymore as we couldn't enjoy the benefit of free talk time and sms every month. We plan to pay a very low monthly payment for the sake of keeping that number until he come back home. and in the mean time, i can start utilizing my company's line.

Last week when i bring my other phone (courtesy of azlan, he gave me this phone like 2 years ago) to office, Boon made a comment that this phone can be part of museum property. Ha ha. (I don't really care, really)

and encik Azlan dear, sibuklah suruh pakai blackberry coz he said we can be connected like 24/7.
It's not that i do not want to be connected with him all the time. But blackberry is too expensive. Too expensive for me at least.

I forgot when did i last buy a phone for myself. wait... let me think..

Oh.. that was in the year of 2005. Sony ericsson. and my N81 that i'm using now is from company. So that explain, why a few thousands for a phone is really a burden to my pocket.

Since en azlan have 3 phones right now. and saya sungguh bertuah kerana dia membenarkan saya merasmikan blackberry. (nampak.. saya sedang memuji awak tau).. saya rasa dia akan bagi dekat saya one of his phone.. ha ha.. (battling eye lashes)

jadi untuk ini saya tak akan beli a new phone sebab saya tahu dia memang akan bagi saya phone dia. Right, love?

Until it happen. You will see me with that phone yang layak masuk ke muzium.

Scarf

Kadang2 tak tahu macam mana nak pakai tudung. Im not really good when it comes to how to wear scarf kena dengan baju yang dipakai. Haih.. sometimes lebih senang kalau tak pakai tudung. Hikhikhik...(Adalah orang nak komen lepas baca statement ni nanti)

i have this. Wrap cardigan.
but the moment i put my scarf on. I look just like a lawyer...

So.. how should i wear my scarf without looking like a lawyer who just lost her case :P

perfect

I love to see my nail like this. All shiny and clean. I don't think i can afford to have this regularly. Not even once a month, i think. perhaps once in a blue moon? This is actually a treat for myself before the exam start. With the hope that, I'll be more focus on my books after having the nail treatment. :)

Another good thing about having an exam is, i can use it as an excuses to treat myself with everything i want without feeling guilty. like for example lepaking in Starbucks for the whole day, back to back. Simply because i will fall asleep when i study in my room. I need caffeine to keep me awake!! Haha.

Still.. i hate exams!!

It scary!!!

Nota: Entry ni dah lama dah. Baru berkesempatan nak tulis.

Akibat dari terlalu teruja baru habiskan my last paper. Bila measa ajak tengok movie dengan zaza, saya pon terus ikut. tanpa membuat kajian citer aper yang nak ditengok.

Measa cakap Jennifer body. So i was thinking something yang girlish la. So biler sampai and nak book ticket nampak banner megan fox ada darah2 dekat mulut dia. I was like... Okay... this can't be true dan terus tanya measa dan zaza.

Me: Eh korang, ni cerita hantu ker?
Zaza: Aku dah kata dah, yana mesti tak tengok cerita hantu
Measa: Bukan cerita hantu lah, cerita bunuh2.
Me: Serious erk!!
Measa: Yer lah.. tak kan lah megan fox nak jadi hantu plak. mesti lah jadi cantik2
Me: A ah erk.. betul gak (cakap dalam hati)

And bila movie start.. Oh my....

sakit badan saya bersandar dekat measa... memang cerita hantu pon!!
and most of the time. i covered my face using my sweater's hood. (Sib baik beli sweater) sebab ketakutan... dah lah cerita dia banyak terkejut2.. sib baik tak der sakit jantung.. Kalo tak..

Then on sunday.. tengok time travellers wife. Though the story agak lambat in the beginning. Tapi berair jugak lah air mata ni throughout the movie. Sedih!! Coz i try to imagine my life without him :P

Damage

Remember, i said i want to change my room to something like this.

It doesnt turn out to be exactly like that, but at least the color of my furniture and wall is the same as shown in the picture.

It still not complete yet. Still working on the deco. I'm looking for a black and white table lamp to match with my wall lamp and the mini hi-fi. I found one, but it's waaay beyond my budget.

Total damage to my pocket: I can actually travel 2 times to Aussie with that money (all inclusive - flight ticket, accomodation and pocket money for 2 weeks stay). Looking at the bright side, at least, it gives a good feeling everytime I enter my room after having a long day in office, class and massive traffic.

p/s: I deserve a pat on my back, i did everything by myself, from choosing a furniture to paint job and almost everything else including moving out my old furniture though. And mind you, it's hundred percent my pocket money.

this is how it looks like after i got my new furniture

and now...

everything is already in place.. the chest of drawers doesn't match with the theme color. But i need it badly to stuff all of my bedsheets. and to get a new one with black solid wood will cost me another 500 rm at least (that is, i have to go hunt around in order to get that price). So for now. I can live with it.

Mentally disturbed

I don't know
I just don't know
I really don't know

Ya allah ya tuhanku, kau tuntunlah hatiku!!

What?!?

Stay put!!!
I'll be updating my blog real sooon!!!